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split death

by fuvk

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1.
fantasize 02:39
feb 26, 2021 not quite like imagined, experience denied indulge me for a moment and let me fantasize genuine interest has been in short supply and undue expectation sits on the other side subtle disappointment, anxiety aside attributed to kindness, of which you are inclined another evening drowning in rice wine but i prefer to know you than say goodbye a bit demoralized, a sense of worthlessness amplified unwarranted response, wish i had more nonchalance a fuzzy image in my brain, somehow your face is out of frame i wouldn't recognize you in the morning light
2.
light of day 02:22
march 1, 2021 a little gray for the light of day i always seem to hesitate but you come around and i masquerade as someone who can't be swayed settle in to a bed unmade i feel the urge to hibernate but you come around and you captivate i'll give it time to marinate i always overcomplicate things you turn around and you walk away from me find peace in the light of day emotions on parade and in my head, i escalate
3.
time 02:16
mar 3, 2021 block out some time today you can fill it any way you like messy rooms communicate impending change of state extant but modified interaction through the great divide this week's expense isn't hard to justify with vague intent reconvene to say goodbye that's not what i meant too late to revise impart common sense we don't have to sacrifice out of self defense / to what extent do i have to empathize walk through and recognize all the hurt we keep inside hold back another line you always say you're fine
4.
attic 01:32
june 13, 2021 in the attic, so dramatic i scream until i'm hoarse and i've had it with the static unchanging discourse and i'm tired of feeling guilty for the things you say i've done i don't mind if you believe that i'm the undeserving one i've been stagnant in the corner of this building that you own and i wish that i felt warmer in the spaces of your home and i'm searching for your writing in the back room of this bar if i don't find it, know that i am ready to restart
5.
june 01, 2021 small talk with your friends it just so happens you left me a promise unfulfilled again small talk with my friends it just so happens i latched on to a promise unspoken your hair in my face your laugh reverberates in my head, what you said has me stuck in that day your car on my street parked beneath the plum tree sometimes in my dreams i still hear you knocking we sit at my place talking to you doesn't feel like a waste of time trying not to pretend you know what happens lie and say it again a sweet reminder looking over your shoulder i'll lose it too it helps that i'm honest when i'm with you small talk with your friends don't let this happen i flew over treetops just to get some distance perspective is useless from this point of view i know i am biased when i speak of you small talk / calm down rebalance / react you answer with silence you're not coming back break down / fall back you kept me intact i reject the notion that you have what i lack
6.
june 5, 2021 how are you holding up in the winter storm of '21 is it cold enough for you to stick around when all is said and done i mistook your kindness in a state of blindness how are you holding up you didn't keep in touch after the winter storm of '21 don't think about it much but i still look for parts of you in everyone did you mean to delay what you had to say how are you holding up i should be going now but this was nice and when you show me out i'm sure we'll find another reason, blame the season for how we misaligned but i'll be going now i found myself holding back after the winter storm of '21 i thought maybe, at a distance, i could predict what's next to come and i know it's been long since we talked, but i still wonder how are you holding up
7.
calling out for paper lions what else am i supposed to do another evening without something new goodbyes are never spoken and we don't ever use words that seem to stay frozen until they're overdue kept up both sides hung up, now dry taken for ride what does it take to stay focused why does one have to choose between love and living a sullen truth stricken of guilt for taking all your effort and time don't let me take any space in your mind calling out with knuckles bruised but you don't know to lick your wounds turn around 'cause i fear the silence don't know what i want to do at all but would you be there with the alcohol goodbyes are never spoken and we won't ever use words that seem to stay frozen until they're overdue
8.
seated dogs wait for me watching, watching patiently beaten rugs, dust of ye moldy, piss stained memories i guess i'm blessed i rest, i rest was it the timing or was it me hardly the kind to give it all up for free get up so early, quarter after four i'll do it all again for you, i'm sure couldn't i ask for more softly spoken, on your feet running from reality moving forward, or at least a semblance of mobility driving loose, cutting teeth leaving, speeding nervously day by day, losing sleep will you grace me with your company but i don't have the right as long as it's up to you was it the timing or was it me blessed with indifference, she's in too deep pain in my stomach, can't fall back asleep i put it in your hands, you left it up me it's clear, now i see
9.

about

splitting death with my friends
2021

credits

released March 11, 2022

tracks 7-9 composed by mostyn griffith

fantasize mixed by trung tran
cello on 'light of day' performed by brynna abel and engineered by mitch webb
mastered by max gowan

additional lyrics by:
mostyn griffith on small talk
mitch webb on winter storm of '21

matthew bender - bass on small talk, guitar solo on winter storm

album art by kylie ting

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about

fuvk Austin, Texas

audio journal
2016 -

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