1. |
fantasize
02:39
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feb 26, 2021
not quite like imagined, experience denied
indulge me for a moment and let me fantasize
genuine interest has been in short supply
and undue expectation sits on the other side
subtle disappointment, anxiety aside
attributed to kindness, of which you are inclined
another evening drowning in rice wine
but i prefer to know you than say goodbye
a bit demoralized, a sense of worthlessness amplified
unwarranted response, wish i had more nonchalance
a fuzzy image in my brain, somehow your face is out of frame
i wouldn't recognize you in the morning light
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2. |
light of day
02:22
|
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march 1, 2021
a little gray for the light of day
i always seem to hesitate
but you come around and i masquerade
as someone who can't be swayed
settle in to a bed unmade
i feel the urge to hibernate
but
you come around and you captivate
i'll give it time to marinate
i always overcomplicate things
you turn around and you walk away
from me
find peace in the light of day
emotions on parade
and in my head, i escalate
|
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3. |
time
02:16
|
|||
mar 3, 2021
block out some time today
you can fill it any way you like
messy rooms communicate
impending change of state
extant but modified
interaction through the great divide
this week's expense
isn't hard to justify
with vague intent
reconvene to say goodbye
that's not what i meant
too late to revise
impart common sense
we don't have to sacrifice
out of self defense / to what extent
do i have to empathize
walk through and recognize
all the hurt we keep inside
hold back another line
you always say you're fine
|
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4. |
attic
01:32
|
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june 13, 2021
in the attic, so dramatic
i scream until i'm hoarse
and i've had it with the static
unchanging discourse
and i'm tired of feeling guilty
for the things you say i've done
i don't mind if you believe
that i'm the undeserving one
i've been stagnant in the corner
of this building that you own
and i wish that i felt warmer
in the spaces of your home
and i'm searching for your writing
in the back room of this bar
if i don't find it, know that i am
ready to restart
|
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5. |
small talk (with mostyn)
03:08
|
|||
june 01, 2021
small talk with your friends
it just so happens
you left me a promise
unfulfilled again
small talk with my friends
it just so happens
i latched on to a promise
unspoken
your hair in my face
your laugh reverberates
in my head, what you said
has me stuck in that day
your car on my street
parked beneath the plum tree
sometimes in my dreams
i still hear you knocking
we sit at my place
talking to you doesn't feel like a waste of time
trying not to pretend
you know what happens
lie and say it again
a sweet reminder
looking over your shoulder
i'll lose it too
it helps that i'm honest
when i'm with you
small talk with your friends
don't let this happen
i flew over treetops
just to get some distance
perspective is useless from this point of view
i know i am biased when i speak of you
small talk / calm down
rebalance / react
you answer with silence
you're not coming back
break down / fall back
you kept me intact
i reject the notion that you have what i lack
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6. |
||||
june 5, 2021
how are you holding up
in the winter storm of '21
is it cold enough for
you to stick around when all is said and done
i mistook your kindness
in a state of blindness
how are you holding up
you didn't keep in touch
after the winter storm of '21
don't think about it much but
i still look for parts of you in everyone
did you mean to delay
what you had to say
how are you holding up
i should be going now
but this was nice
and when you show me out
i'm sure we'll find
another reason, blame the season
for how we misaligned
but i'll be going now
i found myself holding back
after the winter storm of '21
i thought
maybe, at a distance, i
could predict what's next to come
and i know it's been long since we
talked,
but i still wonder
how are you holding up
|
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7. |
mostyn - paper lions
02:33
|
|||
calling out for paper lions
what else am i supposed to do
another evening without something new
goodbyes are never spoken
and we don't ever use
words that seem to stay frozen until they're overdue
kept up both sides
hung up, now dry
taken for ride
what does it take to stay focused
why does one have to choose
between love and living a sullen truth
stricken of guilt for taking
all your effort and time
don't let me take any space in your mind
calling out with knuckles bruised
but you don't know to lick your wounds
turn around 'cause i fear the silence
don't know what i want to do at all
but would you be there with the alcohol
goodbyes are never spoken
and we won't ever use
words that seem to stay frozen until they're overdue
|
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8. |
mostyn - blessed
04:04
|
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seated dogs wait for me
watching, watching patiently
beaten rugs, dust of ye
moldy, piss stained memories
i guess i'm blessed
i rest, i rest
was it the timing or was it me
hardly the kind to give it all up for free
get up so early, quarter after four
i'll do it all again for you, i'm sure
couldn't i ask for more
softly spoken, on your feet
running from reality
moving forward, or at least
a semblance of mobility
driving loose, cutting teeth
leaving, speeding nervously
day by day, losing sleep
will you grace me with your company
but i don't have the right
as long as it's up to you
was it the timing or was it me
blessed with indifference, she's in too deep
pain in my stomach, can't fall back asleep
i put it in your hands, you left it up me
it's clear, now i see
|
||||
9. |
mostyn - moving on
01:10
|
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